Phrases (Script-Concierge Service)

Have you ever heard of that Twitter feed "Shit My Dad Says?"  Well I could almost have my own. All of these were taken from watching one hour of TV with my dad.

"Hot chicks love pigs."-while watching a Geico commercial..
"Maybe he should man up and quit being a bitch."-watching a DirectTV commercial
"What if I lose my bowels in the restaurant? What if?"-watching a commercial for Crohn's disease
"Concierge service? What is that, a prostitution ring?"-commercial for some credit card
"They got a serpent in their tub!"-commercial for jacuzzi walk-in tubs

Concierge Service

EXT. FRONT OF A RITSY HOTEL  NIGHT

BO and CLINT exit an old, beat-up pickup truck parked in a parking spot and walk towards the entrance of the hotel.

CLINT

                   (with a Texan accent)

                   We don’t have to stop here.

                   I know it’s late, but if you

                   would just let me drive I

                   could have us back in Crockett

                   while you take your little

                   beauty nap.

BO

                   (also with a Texan accent, and

                   very frustrated)

                   You think I’m gonna let YOU drive?

                   Did you forget the whole reason

                   why we’re even out here is because

                   you got your stupid ass locked up?

                   I still don’t understand why or how

                   you made it all the way out to

                   Dallas, considerin’ you ain’t got

                   no license or people that call

                   you “friend.” You’re lucky to have

                   a brother like me.

CLINT

                   I told ya it’s a long story. Let’s

                   just say, hot chicks love pigs.

BO

                   Well anyway, let’s just stay here

                   ‘till morning. I’ve never actually

                   been to a hotel, so might as well

                   do something exciting while I’m in

                   the big city.

INT. HOTEL  NIGHT

BO and CLINT are greeted by a DOORMAN who begins to grab the few bags that CLINT is carrying.

CLINT

                   Whoah! Hold on there! What are you

                   tryin’ ta do?

DOORMAN

                   I’m just trying to help you with

                   Your bags, sir. It’s part of the

                   concierge service.

BO

                   Concierge service? What is this,

                   a prostitution ring?

DOORMAN

                   No. It’s just what-

Interrupting

CLINT

                   Ohhhh no. This is the last thing

                   I need. I can’t get mixed up with

                   with yall again.

CLINT grips his bags and rushes back out the door. BO follows.

EXT. HOTEL  NIGHT

CLINT and BO walk back to the truck.

BO

                   I’m so sorry, Clint. I spend hours

                   driving out here to get you outta

                   trouble and then I end up leading

                   you into a place like this. I

                   didn’t know. This is why I never

                   go into the city and why I don’t

                   like you goin’ either. Here, take

                   my keys. We’re not stopping ‘till

                   we get home to Crockett.

BO tosses keys to CLINT and both get in truck. Long, aerial shot of them driving away.